This reaction is prompted by Bank of Ireland's announcement of the results of 'GAA Hunk 2000', won by Dublin footballer Keith Galvin. It follows hard on the same bank's announcement of a 'Who Has the Best Legs' competition for women Gaelic footballers. After recent events where the same bank admitted they will have to pay the Government around £30 million in DIRT tax dodged on so-called 'offshore' accounts, some might argue that twould' fit them more to do a better job of running their business than to be dreaming up outlandish GAA competitions.

These new-fangled competitions bring to mind the efforts by AFR's old pals Martin O'Halloran and Navan Fianna Fáil Town Councillor Shane Cassells to put models in O'Neill's replica jerseys on the front cover of their monthly GAA magazine 'GFH'. (No truth in the rumour, apparently, that Oul Mr O'Neill Himself got an awful 'shtart' the first time he copped one of those girleens in his one of his jerseys on the top shelf of his local newsagents. Although some of The Girls in the Back Cash Office maintain he took a wee bit of turn all the same).

Now, AFR is neither a spoilsport nor a killjoy. Any of the wide boyos from Gowlnacalley-John Redmonds who have supped 'lahrge battles a' Phoenix Ale' with him in the back shnug of Ma Molloy's famous drinking emporium can readily confirm that. Indeed, back in the Fifties, when money needed raising for new goal posts and nets for the Redmonds' pitch, AFR was the man who stepped forward and organised 'The Blooming Tulip of Gowlnacalley' contest to raise funds. The competition was won by Gertie McDonnelly, full forward on the Gowlnacalley-John Redmonds senior camogie team. She had previously come third in the heat for the title of Tipperary Queen of the Plough one year. And, as An Fear Rua dimly recalls, in Gertie's case the word 'heat' was apt alright...

An Fear Rua has already objected to the 'Who Has the Best Legs' competition as belittling and insulting to women Gaelic footballers. It shows that behind all the hype and the rí-rá, womanise' football is still not taken seriously by their main sponsors. AFR would hate to think Bank of Ireland would consider they have bought everyone body and soul simply by throwing some sponsorship money around. By contrast, Allied Irish Banks' sponsorship of the All Ireland Club competitions suggests they may have a better 'feel' for the true heartbeat of the GAA.

Some will argue, of course, that the 'GAA Hunk 2000' is only a bit of harmless fun. However, what about all the ugly GAA players with white, hairy, bandy legs (and AFR does not mean just certain camogie or womanise football players)? How fair is it to them? What award can they put in for? I mean to say, who would you prefer to have on your own GAA team? A bronzed, blonde Adonis who shirked tackles and couldn't score for toffee but who looked good in a newly washed and pressed jersey? Or a small, fat, baldy, bandy and hairy-legged fella, probably smelling of BO, who could lob footballing points from every angle up to fifty metres from goal or drive a '21 Yard' to the back of the net unerringly every time.

Now, AFR is not for one moment suggesting that either Keith Galvin or any of the fifteen other players shortlisted is in the 'Useless Adonis' category. Indeed, far from it. It includes such effective performers as Kerry's Dara Ó Cinnéide, Dublin's Jason Sherlock, Kildare's Niall Buckley, Cork's Seán Óg Ó hAilpín and Galway's Michael Donnellan. However, no matter how hard the GAA or Bank of Ireland try to get into the 'trendy' stakes they still have a long way to go. On the very day the 'Hunks' were announced the magazine 'Social and Personal' announced its 'Top 100 Sexy Legs for 2000'. Not surprisingly, this included such worthies as Andrea Corr (a great Cooley Kickhams fan, AFR understands), Celia Larkin (Whitehall Gaels fanatic) and RTE's Miriam O'Callaghan (often went to matches in Ardboe with ex-hubby 'Sunday Business Post' journalist, Tom McGurk). But the most notable male sporting winner was Paul McGrath, proving perhaps AFR's contention that good football skills, knobbly knees and all, are still a more attractive proposition for the punters.

If the look of the legs is the new criterion for judging women Gaelic footballers, how long more before we see something like the return of the old Jimmy Magee Showbusiness All Stars with jerseys, shorts and socks being donned by the likes of Lorraine Keane, Gráinne Seoighe, Celia Larkin, Andrea Corr, with maybe a guest appearance by Michael Flatfeet himself? Maybe even Martin and the lads in GFH might feature a few of them on the cover of next month's magazine?