Blur may have been consulted on it. I’m not sure. Since they no longer officially exist was it necessary for Damon and the lads to be consulted on the almost exact replication of one of their song titles? Who knows? Who cares? Park Live is where it’s at…

Think Soccer AM. Think Soccer AM. That’s it. Transform the venue into the belly of Croke Park, the crowd turn a bit ‘greener’ and the presenters are a bit ‘rougher’. You have it. Oh yeah, and throw in a banjo player for good measure (don’t ask).

Park Live is now two weeks old. Fair enough, it’s not often that two week olds are the finished article, but still, we can criticise a bit – can’t we?

De Scribe sat down for the first edition of Park Livewith an air of, well, nothing really. Following Breaking Balland BBX, anything was possible from RTÉ. From the sublime to the ridiculous, welcome to GAA coverage on the state broadcaster.

At times De Scribe was almost afraid to look at the screen for fear of what was coming next – it was actually uncomfortable, like when you were a teenager and a sex scene would appear, out of nowhere, on some previously innocent programme that you were watching with the parents. Cringe, cringe, cringe…

Why did RTÉ feel compelled to hire a banjo player to ‘introduce’ the guests? Why employ that guy (who in a previous incarnation appeared on Pajoe’s Junkbox years ago) as a Waterford fan wearing a clown’s nose? Surreal. How was it funny? His ‘hilarious’ conversation with Mairéad Ní Ghormáin was shite. Sorry, but that is the only way to describe the utter rubbish that this part of the programme was. Surely there must have been some brain in RTÉ who had the cop on to say ‘Wait, this is rubbish, this is in fact an insult to the GAA public’. In fact, it wasn’t just an insult to the GAA public, it was an insult to the viewing public in general. At least if you are going to drag people out of their beds at 10:30 on a Sunday morning (an ungodly hour for anyone with half a social life) then you should at least make some attempt to engage them, entertain them – not ridicule them.

Back to the banjo player. He looked petrified. Caught in the headlights, he didn’t know where to turn. Remember that scene in Deliverance (anyone who knows the film won’t have to be asked twice) – he looked like he’d have chosen that scenario instead of what he had to endure in Croke Park on a Sunday morning.

The ‘crowd’. Perhaps they are the offspring of those ‘Up For The Match’ doyens who used to suffer the ‘bualadh bos’ barrage from Liam Ó Murchú. Yelping and hollering ‘on cue’ they lived up to their illustrious predecessors. Jaysus, ‘twas mighty stuff.

The only saving grace was the fact that in Seanie McGrath and Jamesie O’Connor we had two - particularly in Jamesie’s case - articulate GAA men. They spoke eloquently about how the game was now a young man’s game, the sacrifices they had to make to reach the top, and then gave insightful previews of the day’s matches.

But... sorry… There has to be a but (if that’s not too many buts). The game of skill whereby the lads had to score as many points as they could within a certain time limit came across as unplanned and chaotic. Mairéad was breathless as she attempted to keep up with the action – and what was that all about, getting the lads to pose for their photos? This is one concept that will have to be looked at again.

Ger Gilroy. He didn’t appear to be the worst of the problems that this show has – but he is far from being the finished article. He appeared rusty (given that this was his first appearance on live TV this was to be expected) but he has the capacity to grow into the role.

But come back here RTÉ, we’re not finished with you yet. This level of programming is not good enough. If you think you are appealing to the GAA populace with such a poor, in parts amateurish, and at times embarrassing production (the German reporter skit was so ‘funny’) then you are sadly wrong. Why can’t GAA viewers be treated to a sanitised (i.e. no hollering, whooping, Deliverance style banjo player), articulate, well thought out production? You achieved it with Breaking Ball, messed it up with BBX, and have now fallen somewhere between the two with Park Live.

A few suggestions before we let you go. Drop the banjo player (De Scribe had a quick look at programme two and he appears to have gone – whether of his own volition or not is unclear). Drop the German reporter. Stop being lazy when you show repeats from old Breaking Ball programmes (the Seamus Shinners piece was good but try and come up with something new). Mairéad Ní Ghormáin is at the wrong gig. Move her to the live match coverage as a roving reporter – she’s too cooped up in the studio. The ‘crowd’ - either use them or lose them.

That’s it. It’s simple. Treat your viewers with respect, as if they actually have brains with which to think. RTÉ know by this stage that the GAA is the best product it has for its summer schedules. Tripe like the first few editions of Park Live is not acceptable. If they’re not careful, it could soon be Park Dead.

Mairéad Ní Nuadháin